We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
