I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
