this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
