she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
