I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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