They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
