At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
