i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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