I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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