maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize