I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize