At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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