We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
