He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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