so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
