i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
