shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
