I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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