Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
