so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
