and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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