Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
