Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
