How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
