Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
