its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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