my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo