Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize