She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry