I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.