I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?