And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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