i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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