Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So much rum. So many feels.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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