I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
