just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
