I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
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