but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
