Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
