I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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