you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
