but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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