i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
ttyl tear gas
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
