I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
