I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
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somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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