so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
