i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
