Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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