we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
