my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
