Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
