let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
