Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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