Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
