Will you blow on my dice?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He passed out mid-signature
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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