i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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