i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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