I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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