maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
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Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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