I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
