NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
