dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
