she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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