She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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