She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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