Just fell off a train. Bad.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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