Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Vodka?
Forever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
