If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
