I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
