my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
