So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
