I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
