Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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