she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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