Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
