I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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