I wish I only lived at night.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
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you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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